


Black/White (completed)

by Beauxangel



Category: Kylo Ren - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, stormtrooper - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:38:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24510178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beauxangel/pseuds/Beauxangel
Summary: You are a cleaner working with the First Order, you have been here for years. You thought your life was pretty secure and better than most who decide to not join 'the wrong side'.That is until you start taking a closer look at supreme leader Kylo Ren.Will your life be filled with love?not everything is black and white.This is a love story , i will try to keep it more realistic with the characters way of speaking. I am a lover of plot twists and broken hearts.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You, Stormtrooper Character(s)/Original Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	1. Grey

**_Chapter 1: Grey_ **

**_BEEP BEEP BEEP_ **

There it is again, your very persistent alarm.

Everyday for the past 3 years it has been your only constant companion in the cramped quarters you slept in. It wasn't too bad, six people to a room in bunk beds. The only thing you wish you had was a private refresher, you could use some privacy every once in a while. 

Your day starts early at 4am, the first few months since you arrival at the Finalizer were harsh. Your home planet of Arkanis was a rainy outer rim planet, anything beyond that was an improvement in your eyes. You acclimated quickly to your new surroundings and roommates, you learned to not get attached to anyone since everyone's time here was limited if they didn't follow orders. Tala had arrived a few months after you, she was a quiet girl that liked to read made great company for when you needed quiet from all the commotion of daily life on board.

Life had not always been easy for you, you were always alone for as long as you could remember. No one would call you an optimist but you liked to look at the good things in a bad situation. Growing up alone wasnt the best alwasy hungry and sleeping with one eye open, it made you scrappy, resourceful and strong. It had gotten you this far, many would object to a life with the first order but it was an upgrade and secure meals. The only thing of value you have is a bright (favorite color) ribbon, always tied around your hair ..your only comfort in life showing you how far you had come and how easily it could all go away.

Tala and You have become old wallpaper in the cramped room, the other occupants seemed to be in constant rotation by either moving up or not knowing how to keep to themselves. You knew better by now and you loved your cleaner job, keeping the stormtrooper barracks clean wasn't too much once you got used to it. They were messy but nothing you couldn't handle.

There was talk among the girls of a new open position to clean officers and generals rooms, everyone had submitted their names to take the spot. Not you. sure it was a less demanding job but at what cost? make one mistake and you would never be seen again, you liked your head where it was. Tala had been doing it for years now and she was still here, she had a way about her that just captivated people even with her quiet demeanor.

On the other hand there was you, the complete opposite of beautiful serene Tala. You were known to sing aloud to yourself and make a mess of your uniform when eating, somehow food always found its way to your clothing. People could say you were pretty, when you smiled which you hardly did. A life of servitude wasnt exactly your dream growing up.

For weeks the girls chatted excitedly about new troopers arriving.

The new wave of recruits was set to arrive today, it was exciting to see new faces especially for the girls. You never really cared to fraternize with any of them, it could only bring you trouble but you liked looking anyways. Days were always the same put on your uniform, grabbed breakfast in the cafeteria, grabbed your cleaning supplies and get to work by 5am . You spent your day cleaning after troopers with lunch at 2pm, more cleaning until your shift ended at 8pm. After that you were allowed to eat dinner and like many other girls here, go to the common areas and relax. 

The new recruits arrived by 8am, your cleaning group had everything done and ready for them. 

"oh kriff!!" you said louder than intended "I forgot to put the toiletry bags on that last room"

"I'll go" offered Tala "no big deal"

"No its OK It wont take long, I will see you guys on the next floor asap" you took your cleaning cart and rushed down the hallway before anyone started complaining. Its not often you make mistakes.

You were glad to arrive to an empty room and started setting down the bags, you were not envious of the troopers quarters. Sure the room was twice the size of yours , only they had to fit 20 grown men in here. 

"Good thing we're in the same unit"

"I would not object from some time away from you'

_oh no_

The door opened and about 10 troopers walked in

"Well they sure do know how to welcome new guests" the tallest one said, he had blonde hair and blue eyes but a very mischievous face which you were not fond of.

"just let her do her job" said another with more pleasant features and by the looks of it soft black hair " why are you always looking for trouble"

"not my fault she basically threw herself at us" 

"I am done actually , so I'll be on my way" you didn't like interacting with troopers, they were only after one thing and you were not a one and done kind of girl.

They parted to let you pass , which you were glad for.

Grabbed your cart which you had parked outside and made your way to the elevators , a hand suddenly grabbed your forearm.

_I don't have time for this, please leave me alone._

"I wanted to apologize for his behavior" you turned to looked and was met by the most beautiful grey eyes you had ever seen "I am his official apology man" a soft smile formed on his face and you couldn't help but smile back.

"oh its alright, you get used to it"

"oh" his smiled disappeared and you were sad to see it go

"I mean there's bound to be a few rude guys in a ship filled with over 50 thousand people in it" you gave him your biggest smile hoping to bring his back.

"you're right" it worked, "oh where are my manners I'm uhh" he looked for something in his pockets and retrieved a small card "LI-726 and you?"

"uh Y/N" you always thought they had real names under those numbers.

"Y/N, thats a pretty name, um I do have a question"

"yes?"

"where are the refreshers? they didn't exactly give us a tour"

"there is a datapad in your room with a map"

"got it" he stared at you for what seemed like forever , so you averted your eyes to the floor instead.

"well I gotta go" you turned to leave and walked as fast as you could 

"I guess we'll see each other around?" he yelled behind you

"sure" you said more to yourself than to him. 

by the time you got to the elevators you were winded, hoping for no more encounters the rest of your day. A beautiful man can only lead you to trouble.

The stars had other plans for you.


	2. New

Lunch time, finally some rest and a good meal if you could call it good.

Tala was already at her favorite table by the windows all the way to back of the cafeteria. You envied her delicate ways of eating, walking even her breathing seemed too magical for a human being. Her long brown hair only added to her beautiful pale skin and green eyes. You had seen officers flirt with her, she just brushed them off in such a natural way that they seemed grateful that she even acknowledged their presence.

You plopped onto the chair in front of her and started devouring your meal (like always) 30 minute breaks didn't give you much to savor the food.

"You got the job"

_What?_

You stared at her for a minute before she looked over her book finally setting eyes on you.

"I signed you up for the new cleaning job"

"why?"

"you deserve to work a little less"

"I-i'm fine with my job, it keeps me busy"

"it keeps you exhausted , plus this way you don't have to see troopers everywhere"

"I don't mind them"

She gave you a look, she knew you better than anyone.

"Fine, I guess that is a plus"

Took you a few minutes to realize something

"wait, how do you know I got the job? sure you signed me up but how do you know I actually got it?"

"actually I asked someone for a favor"

"who?"

"someone"

_she is not going to loop me into an endless conversation with no answers again_

"is it the same 'someone' who lends you all the books?"

sigh "you're not going to give up huh?"

"not this time"

She closed her book and stared at you for a few minutes

"I guess we have been friends for a while now. as an early birthday gift i will answer 5 questions for you"

_Oh druk! how did I forget my birthday was in a month_

You eyed her suspiciously , but decided to play along and finally get the answers you had been asking for quite some time now.

"there is only one thing you can not ask"

"what is it?"

"his name"

_hmm this is going to be tricky_

"deal"

you thought for a few minutes about what to ask to complete the puzzle , maybe that way you could figure out who her mystery lover was.

"Ok first question, is he an officer?"

"no"

"higher?"

"yes"

_oh shoot i wasted a question_

"um is he one of the tallest people in here?"

"yes"

"is he a person in command?"

"yes"

your mind raced with all the questions you wanted to ask her, not knowing which one would lead to the answer you were looking for. You had guessed for years it had to be the supreme leader, she had jewelry from her 'boyfriend' who else could give her gifts like that.

"is he a person?"

another guess of yours was that the supreme leader was not human.

"yes"

well that led nowhere, she gave you one of her dazzling smiles and returned to her book.

as you were shoving food down your throat, having wasted precious eating minutes asking her questions you felt someone sit next to the empty chair beside you.

"nice to bump into you again"

you turned your face mid chew. It was him. Grey eyed trooper. You swallowed.

"can I help you?" you said sarcastically, a kick under the table and you grimaced Tala was always looking for ways to make you nicer to people.

"Actually yes" he said unfazed by what had just happened

deep breath "how?"

"I was hoping you could show me around"

"don't you have friends?"

another kick

"We are all new, I thought that a girl like you who cleans must know her way around"

"oh yea i forgot that's why I exist"

kick

she was only making your attitude worse

"I apologize I didn't mean to offend you" he said with a sincere look in his face, now you felt bad.

"fine" you said grabbing your tray and getting up " meet me here at 8:30"

"absolutely , thank you" he said standing up and blocking your way

"could you move so i can leave?"

"oh yes , sorry" he stepped to the side and you walked away mad at yourself for letting your emotions get the best of you. Would he be any different than the other men on board, you doubted it.

**7:30**

Finished all your assignments 30 minutes early , with all the excitement of new life the girls had worked extra fast to go clean themselves and go look at all the new potential lovers. You went straight to the cafeteria, when you arrive early you get the best pick of foods. Everything looks good when its fresh, you sat down and ate. It was very common to eat dinner alone, Tala rarely made an appearance . There were nights when she didn't even make it to your room.

**8:05**

With your plate clean and a satisfied belly you leaned back on the chair and closed your eyes, there was still time until that trooper arrived.

You felt someone next to you

"Are you sleeping?" 

_ugh this guy, of course he's one of those who arrive early_

with a loud groan you got up and started walking, he didn't follow. you looked behind you , surely he could see it in your face that you were tired.

"well come on lets get this over with"

you emptied your trash into the bin and turned to look at him 

"what do you wanna see?"

"I heard about the common areas, and I have stumbled upon a few during my day, what I really want to see is a good view outside"

you pointed to the windows

"no" he chuckled" I mean a place with a real view , quiet"

_oh, I knew it_

you were glad to prove Tala wrong, he is just another guy trying to get in between the nearest pair of legs

"look I'm not one of these girls who wants to screw whatever _thing"_ you said looking at him from head to toe "that breathes in their direction, but I can point you to a few who would be glad to go to a 'quiet' place"

He had an expression on his face, something you didn't expect. 

He looked genuinely hurt

_Did I get it wrong?_

"I know you are used to men around here only looking at your pretty face and wanting one thing , but looking at the infinite space calms me and I would appreciate the quiet"

_Did he just call me pretty?_

You considered it for a minute, deciding to show him your favorite spot. Your brain having an internal fight as to whether or not you were making a mistake.

"follow me"

As you made your way to your favorite place, he talked without any prompting from you basically telling you his whole life.

Like you he had grown up an orphan , he had younger siblings at one point but they all ended up perishing by either starvation or sickness. Having nothing to lose and nothing to live for he joined the troopers with his childhood friend, rude blonde guy. He kept telling you all his favorite things by the time you arrived at your destination you knew his favorite color was green, his favorite food was air cake and that he enjoyed swimming. His non stop talking was kind of comforting, he talked to you with no reservations like he had known you his whole life.

When you arrived at your destination he stopped. A smile crept on your face when you saw the happiness in his eyes. It was a row of windows below of one of the hangars, only maintenance crew came here but that was on rare occasions. You sat on the floor and he copied you. It was a pretty good view of the stars.

"if you lay down its even better, you can see trooper transports leaving" you said looking at him "I even saw the supreme leaders silencer leave a couple of times"

As you both laid there in silence with hands behind your head, you looked at your watch

**12:00**

_Crink!_

How did you lose track of so many hours?! you had to get up for work in four hours. You got up so quick it startled him. He propped himself up on one elbow.

"whats wrong?"

"i have to go, work is early and I need all the rest I can get"

"I'll walk you to your door"

"do you even know where your door is?"

big smile " I dont"

"come on you're on my way to mine"

As you sped walked your way to his hallway, he kept glancing at you. You knew because you were doing the same, a light blush covered your cheeks . hoping it was mistaken by how fast and out of breath you were.

"well this is you "

"thank you for the night Y/N"

blush "uh you are welcome..."

_crink, whats his name again?_

"Li-726" he said

"that's not the easiest thing to remember" you thought " how about 'lie'?"

he shook his head, a crease forming on his forehead

"lee?" he suggested

"sure why not, it will be easier for people to remember you"

"oh i was hoping only you could use it"

blush

"um, I-I guess" you had to leave before you turned into a tomato in front of him "I will see you around then"

"will do , good night"

"night"

On your way back to your room you couldnt help but feel like your heart was in your stomach.

when you made it to your bed and fell into it, something hard stabbed you in the ribs.

 _ouch_ you grabbed it _a datapad_

it had a note that read 

it will tell you your assignments for the day and special requests for the rooms. 

have a great first day at your new job, it starts at 7

love, Tala.

how did you forget about your new job? 

good thing you were getting more sleep.


	3. Rooms

**6:00am**

you grabbed your things and walked to the communal showers, the halls seemed empty everyone had early jobs and now you were glad Tala had gotten you a pretty nice job. It meant more alone time in the showers and during the day , since cleaning officers quarters was a one person job. Once you were refreshed you grabbed your new cleaning cart which was a little different than the old clunky one you were used to. The cart was taller than you with different compartments.

"ready for your new life?" said Tala, catching you off guard.

"ready as ever" you said with a half smile "but how does it all work?"

"it's easy, cleaning supplies, towels and toiletries are in the bottom compartments the rest are numbered and if there is clean clothes you place it on their bed and whatever dirty clothes they have you put them in the assigned number. the number belongs to the room , cant get any easier"

"this is so easy a droid could do it, why do they need us?"

"don't say that aloud , we need the job"

fair point.

You counted , there were 30 compartments in total hopefully there was enough time to clean them all properly. You did not want to get 'fired' on your first day.

"we will actually be working on the same floor" said Tala 

"another favor?"

she nodded , you were glad finally being able to work with her again

You had never been to these parts, they were off limits to everyone. Your new pass allowed the elevator to go to the highest floor in the officer quarters.

"your rooms are on the left , I will meet you here for lunch" she waved at you as she walked away towards her first room

you calculated and you had about 25 minutes per room, you could totally do this no big deal.

you walked to the first room #50, scanned your card and the door opened. it was a small room you quickly got to work. cleaning the bathroom, collecting dirty clothes from the floor, putting new sheets on the bed, finally setting the clean clothes from your cart on the bed. Looking at your watch 

_only 20 minutes this is easy_

the rest of the rooms were either super messy or kinda clean. You guessed you had over done it with some of the cleaning because you were exhausted, good thing it was lunch time. you set off to look for Tala, only to find her waiting for you by the elevator

"are you enjoying it?"she asked as she pressed her pass to they keypad of the elevator

"oh yea its easy but I can guess why the last girl lost her job, there was dust in most of the rooms"

"huh? well that solves a mystery" she shrugged

"well lets get lunch"

"by the way you can take a long lunch break if you please, no one is checking on you. As long as the rooms are cleaned by 8 no one cares"

"I think I will keep the pace I have, maybe call it an early night"

"good plan" she said as the elevator doors opened and you walked inside. You thought about all the trouble she had gone through to get you this job , there was no going back to regular trooper rooms now.

Like always, you devoured your lunch. Your eyes scanning the cafeteria.

"He's not here" she said without taking her eyes off her book

"huh? who?" you said , trying to sound like she hant just caught you looking for your new 'friend'

"the trooper"

"what? I'm not looking for him" you said shaking your head

"oh really?" her eyes peered from the top of a book about seas

"You know what I'm going back to work" you stood up and walked as fast as you could trying to avoid her all knowing gaze.

_how did she know?_

sometimes it felt like she could read minds. 

When you got back to the floor, your next rooms were a mess you wondered how long it had been since it was last cleaned properly. By the next room you were exhausted again. _halfway there_ next room #66. You walked in expecting another huge mess, only to discover a room that looked empty except for a desk by the window. 

You walked over to the desk only to find neat handwriting and calligraphy pens, maps, and a picture of a woman holding a small child.

Deep breath, with only some light dusting and a quick cleaning of the bathroom, fresh sheets on the bed and you were done. You took note that the only request for toiletries was soap, thinking this was a mistake you took note to get shampoo/conditioner and other essentials for tomorrow. This was the cleanest room you had ever seen, you wondered if anyone actually slept here. The bed hadn't been slept in. You took a good look around, this room was different than the rest, it had a couch, desk , and a small kitchen there was no wall separating the bed from the rest just one big open space. You took a moment and sat on the couch, you really thought cleaning officers rooms would be easier than this. 

You opened your eyes, not realizing you had dozed off. Having wasted 30mins You set off quickly to continue your work and go to your real bed. All this work was a good distraction because your mind kept thinking of Lee's grey eyes, black hair and slightly tanned skin, he wasn't that much taller than you, the way he carried himself made him look 6 feet tall. Wondering how to ask Tala if she knew where he had gone without sounding interested made work go that much faster. Somehow she always knows what is going on, you just never used her knowledge of this because you simply did not care about what the first order was up to. The less you knew the better.

By the time you were done your muscles ached. Got to dinner late and all there was were scraps. Your first day had not gone so well but you were hopeful tomorrow would be easier. 

**3 WEEKS LATER**

_A droid could never replace me -_ you thought when on your first 4 days an officer coming out of his room asked if you were the one cleaning the rooms now, nodding he came up to you and said 'good work' . _I guess not all officers are jerk_ s- you thought to yourself as he walked away. This 3 weeks had shown you easier and faster ways to get done with work, all other rooms always had signs of life. All but #66 which by now you were convinced no one slept here and this was probably kept as a shrine to a fallen officer or general. You loved laying on the soft warm bed between jobs, this room had become your escape. You even started practicing calligraphy with scrap pieces of paper you found in other rooms, keeping your collections under your pillow.

It had been 3 weeks since you first and last saw Lee, by now you had given up all hope of seeing him again _he has too be dead by now -_ you figured you had to move on and forget he even existed.

Making your way to your favorite spot to stargaze your mind would not stop projecting Lee's smile and the way he looked at you. A dark figured was standing by the windows when you got there, before you could walk out of there quietly the figure turned to you _crink! why must i be so loud when walking -_ making a mental note to work on a more quiet approach to your walking your eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room

"hey there stranger" that voice, like a warm hug on a cold day

"Lee?"

"did you miss me?"

"of course" you said with a smile _oh no think of something quick_ panic setting in " not I hardly noticed you were gone" you said as you placed your hands on your hips trying to act cool "you-uh you were gone?" crossing your arms in front of your chest , you knew you were looking foolish he would sure notice the change in color of your face.

"well I missed you" another flashy smile

you had to start being nicer to this guy

"actually " a small pause , inhale-exhale " I was worried you had died , I mean it was your first assignment and I didn't know that they lasted this long , is this normal? what happened? where did you go? did you get hurt? why did it take so long? when are you leaving again? how long will you be gone?' shocked at how everything just spilled out of you placing your hand on your mouth mortified at how crazy you must look to him right now.

"Well it isnt that normal we spent more time than necessary , things did not go according to plan. It was an ambush and we were fresh and unprepared , i can't tell you where did we go and why........" 

_is he actually answering all my questions?_

"... all was fine , we have master Ren and they dont , I am not sure when or how long, sorry"

All you could do was stare at him, how is he able to tell you things so freely. He doesn't know you but every time he talked to you he made you feel like you had known each other your whole lives. You had liked men before just never like this, he was different and something inside of you knew that. Knew that you could trust him, if he gave you the chance maybe even love him. If feeling safe was a person, it would be him .

"are you hungry?" you asked finally breaking the silence

"I could eat" 

"lets go then"

Walking to the cafeteria you noticed he slowly kept getting closer and closer to you that by the time you were inline to get your food your shoulder was touching his arm. Being this close to him brought a smile to your face, a sense of safety you had rarely felt in your life. 

Spending hours talking to him felt like minutes, looking down at your watch you noticed it was past 1am , you didnt want to leave but work waited for you in the morning.

"its getting late" you said " I want to keep talking but I have to work early"

"I should've been in bed hours ago too" he said " I just didnt want to leave you"

"oh um- well we should go" you said blushing

"I'll walk you back to your room"

As you made your way to your room with Lee walking so close next to you , you found yourself at a loss for words staring at the floor. Peeking at him you noticed he was staring around at the walls. arriving outside your door

"well this is my room" blood rushed to your cheeks

"Oh this is where i leave you then" he turned to face you , eyes locked on yours. His stare was intense and then he kissed the top of your head. you felt your knees almost giving out on you. your face suddenly hot , mind racing. He took a step back looking at you 

"is that cinnamon?" he said puzzled 

your mind hadnt caught up with the rest of your body you didn't hear the question well, all you could do was look at him

"your hair, is cinnamon" he asked again

_oh my hair_

"um oh yes, yes I have hair" you said 

he laughed , holding his sides almost bent over, you looked at him perplexed not knowing what was so funny. It took him a minute or two to finally stop. Reaching his hand to your hair and grabbing a strand 

"what do you put IN your hair?"

"oh I sneak into the kitchen and take cinnamon to put in my shampoo, I make Talas smell like chamomile"

"why?"

"just because I clean doesnt meanI have to smell bad, everything here is unscented"

"I like it, reminds me of dessert" he said with one of his signature smiles, 

_does this man want to set my skin on fire?_

"ok then good night" you said rushing into your room not waiting for an answer.

laying in your bed all you could think of was his lips touching your head wondering what they would feel like on yours.


	4. Oh No

**A/N: there will be snippets of other characters POV in some parts/chapters, I am sorry for my writing being bad, I havent written anything in over 10yrs.I will try to make it serious with some silly/fun sprinkled in. thank you if you have made it this far :)**

**Kylo's POV:** He hardly slept but after the weeks of hell he had, his bed called for him. A warm shower and sleep was all he needed to recharge. walking into his shower and turning the water on , he noticed there were two small bottles added next to his soap dispenser _shampoo? conditioner?_ thinking who would leave this here, he still gave them a try . Once he was done he climbed into bed placing his head on the pillow he noticed something _what is that smell?_ he took a good sniff _cinnamon?_ he ignored it and went to sleep, the smell somehow relaxing him .

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The day started off promising with a good nights sleep, delicious breakfast you got done with your first half of rooms early you grabbed two sandwiches and waters from the cafeteria and went looking for Lee, only to find out he was headed for the training rooms and asked if you could tag along. The training room was one big open space filled with different equipment.

It was fun watching all the troopers exercising some were off to the sides practicing hand to hand combat . Keeping Lee company while you sat on the floor next to the treadmill not a lot of conversation going on, he was trying to keep his breathing even while running. On the other hand you kept 'stretching' saying you would join him for the past half hour, truth is you're not very fond of exercise your work keeps you as fit as you need to be.

finally finishing you both walked to a wall sat down and leaned against it shoulders touching

"I brought you some food" you said turning your head to look at him handing him a sandwich and water, he reached for the items in your hands, his fingers brushing your palms you smiled looking at his face you noticed he had his eyes on you smiling when your eyes met his.

 _how does he do it?_ how can he make you smile by just looking at you

"next time I actually want you to join me, I can teach you some self defense moves for if you are ever in trouble" he said taking a big bite out of the sandwich.

"who would ever hurt me here? its pretty safe" you said elbowing him in the ribs

"you never know" he said shrugging, you could feel every movement of his muscles when he moved his arm to take a bite or drink you were sitting that close. His shirtless body glistening from the sweat , his scent intoxicating. You both sat there in silence eating , glancing at each other when the other wasn't looking.

" I have to get back to work" you said finally looking at him staring into his eyes biting your inner lip trying to keep your breathing steady, it was hard to try and control how your brain reacted to this complete stranger. Was he a stranger? by this point you already knew his whole life , he was great at talking and you loved listening.

"will I see you for dinner?" he turned to look at you with a content look on his face, making this feel normal like a routine you had been doing for years.

"yes, of course" taking a quick look at his lips hoping he didnt catch you looking

"I'll try not to miss you as much" his hand reached over to the back of your head to bring your forehead to his lips, your body a mix of emotions by the touch of his lips on your skin. Wishing he would hold you closer, you had never been a person that was comfortable by other peoples touch. Growing up alone didn't give you the chance to form physical relationships with anyone. He let go, breaking you out of your trance. It took seconds but time stopped when you were near him. 

You stood up quickly and walked fast toward the exit hoping he didnt see the flushing of your face, you turned to wave goodbye at him walking backwards as you did.

THUMP! 

Your back collided with something hard, thinking it was a wall you quickly turned only to see a big black mass in front of you. Your face went pale, body shaking, your body forgetting how to breathe. A million ways to die crossed your mind in seconds. 

"is this a playground?" the modified voice behind the mask said

nothing, all the words you knew wouldn't make it past your lips. You stood there trembling with fear and then you felt a hand in the small of your back and another in your stomach moving you back a couple of steps. Turning to your left you saw Lee and air returned to your lungs in big shaky breaths.

"Im sorry sir its my fault I invited her here" he flashed a smile

"for what?" you would never get used to the deep robotic voice

"exercise, I am teaching her some self defense, right?" He said turning to you , all you could do was nod.

"You need to teach your 'guest' that open areas dont belong to her , that other people live here" He said this with a tone of disgust emphasizing the word guest. Turning to face you he said "Look at your surroundings or next time you might actually encounter something to be afraid of"

"she will commander, excuse us" said Lee

If your heart stopped beating right now, you wouldn't blame it. With all your strength gone ,Lee started guiding your body to the exit. Once outside he grabbed you by the shoulders bringing you to his body and holding you in a tight hug. It took a minute before you felt his warmth and your arms wrapped around him tightly , your body remembering how to breathe normally.

"are you ok?" Lee's cheek was leaning on the side of your head , giving you all the warmth he could

you nodded bring him closer to you , wishing his body could just swallow you and keep you safe. All these years you had carefully avoided ever coming near the path of the commander, you had encountered him in hallways quickly turning the other way or going into rooms to hide. You had heard rumors of what he was capable of , especially when people got in his way.

"I'm sure they will understand if you don't go back to work for the rest of your day" 

"what?" you asked talking against his shoulder, finally breaking free from him you shook your head "I just slammed into the commander the last thing I want to do is get in trouble and him finding out" 

"It was just a suggestion" he said looking worried 

"no its ok thank you, I will see you at dinner, ok?" you tried to sound like your soul had not left your body minutes ago.

"just be careful" he said , looking at you like you would break at second

"i'll try" you smiled , knowing it wouldn't fool him. Your body still felt cold.

you turned to walk to the elevators and back to your job. Maybe laying down in your favorite room for a minute might help you.

 **Kylo's POV:** _That girl, she smelled of cinnamon_ he said turning his head to look behind him watching Lee walking you out of the training room _Thanisson will know_ he tought walking into his private room .


	5. More?

Walking into room #66 you immediately noticed that the bed was unmade and there were clothes on the floor. Making your way to the pile of clothes and examining them you noticed they were all black placing them in your cart you noticed a shirt with a slash on one of the arms, thinking this was a perfectly good shirt you decided to mend it later. _So there is a person who lives here, maybe they were on the same mission as Lee ._

Your daily hang out/nap spot now having an owner made you uncomfortable so you decided to push forward and maybe finishing your work early. Knowing Lee will be there waiting for you , made you forget all your problems and brought a smile to your face. 

As you knew he would,Lee was already sitting at the table where you usually sat with Tala , except she wasn't there. _Her boyfriend must have come back ._

"hey you" said Lee standing up to help you with your chair, pushing it in as you sat down "No more encounters with the supreme leader?" he said lightheartedly, but you could hear the concern in his voice.

"oh no it was fine , just my napping spot has an owner now" you said smiling at him

"you nap on the job?" he asked raising an eyebrow

 _oh crink!_ "I-I do not i was just joking ha ha " _that did not sound convincing at all_ "I just take it as a break sometimes , the room has been empty for weeks"

He chuckled "That's understandable then" elbowing your arm.

"Did you get in trouble?" you asked suddenly realizing he was the one who brought you to the training rooms, thinking of how bad it looked for him to bring a girl to train with him

"Why would I? the training rooms are open to everyone on board, even the kitchen staff use them" he shrugged " or do you mean the part were stormtroopers aren't allowed to have girlfriends" 

you quickly stuffed your mouth with food , all the blood rushed to your face you turned to look at the wall facing away from him

_Did he just call me his girlfriend?_

"hey there love birds" 

_ugh this guy_

Hoping he got the hint of your eye roll and loud groan, you had only met him once but that is all you needed to know everything about him.

"can we help you?" you asked annoyed

"Oh , so it's 'we' now?" he said with a devilish smile that made you want to punch him _How can this be Lee's life long friend_

He took a seat in front of you 

You held back the few expletives that wanted to escape

"Its about time you properly met this is my childhood friend ch-- um LI-727 this is Y/N, Y/N this is LI-727" Lee said with a grin 

Not wanting to let him down you shook hands

"so just one number off huh?" you asked

"yes, the first order is not worried about actual names we are disposable so numbers are easier" said annoying guy

You had never thought about that, about how there were always new troopers arriving and the old ones not making it back from most of their missions. You felt sorry for the guy and his nonchalant way of admitting the fate he chose.

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him" said Lee

"oh why is that?" you asked

"well first off he kept both of us alive growing up, doing odd jobs or stealing, I was not as good as he was. Plus he signed me up for this sweet job" he said "that led me to you"

"you're welcome Y/N" said Lee's friend grabbing food off your plate

you sighed and quickly thought of an excuse to leave, you didn't want Lee to see the rude side of you

"oh I forgot I needed to mend something, I dont wanna get in trouble tomorrow" you lied getting up and grabbing your tray "I will see you tomorrow" you smiled at Lee 

"want to actually train tomorrow?" he asked

you thought about what happened earlier today and decided maybe you do needed some self defense training

"ok I will be there before my lunch" you said turning away from the table and walking towards the exit.

"goodnight" they both said in unison behind you

Arriving in the laundry area you found your cart ,looking in compartment #66 you saw that the droids had already done the laundry _wow they work fast_ you thought as you grabbed the shirt, once in your room you looked through your box of spare junk you had collected over the years buttons, old pens, scraps of paper , needle and red thread, and other stuff you were not sure what they were but looked like spare droid pieces. You had no idea why you kept stuff that held no value, but it probably had to do with the fact that you grew up with nothing being no one in a planet with people who didnt even look your way.

Grabbing the needle and thread you hoped the owner wouldnt mind the red thread on his black long sleeve shirt. You set to work but your threading skills were awful but you got the job done

_Not too bad_

You put your box away and placed the shirt next to you on the bed, trying to fall asleep you kept going back to your encounter with the supreme leader. There was no way you could sleep with thoughts of a murdering mad man on your brain, you settled on thoughts of Lee maybe calling you his girlfriend. Surely it was a mistake on his part, they were not allowed to have actual relationships with anyone. 

you drifted off to sleep not knowing tomorrow would change your life forever.


	6. Wear

When you woke up the next morning clutching the shirt to your chest , you felt safe, happy, something that was hard for you to explain. _How does this random shirt bring such comfort?_ you asked yourself. Brushing it off you gave your newfound happiness a more logical answer... Lee. This person who meant nothing to you , now occupied your brain on a daily basis. You were even looking forward to exercising later in the day.

By the time you arrived in the training rooms you were shaking, maybe the encounter with the commander had scared you more than you had imagined it would. You thought that after so many years , the fear would diminish. 

"Are you ready?" a familiar voice spoke behind you

quickly turning you relaxed, meeting Lee's beautiful grey eyes brought a flush to your cheeks. 

"just so you know I have never done anything like this" you said

"I can tell" he joked with a smile on his face, grabbing both of your hands in his "your hands are only roughened up by all the cleaning you do, no calluses or cuts" he said as he examined them closely, only making your face redder

It was true,you had never fought for anything in your life. All you ever did was hide or steal to survive, how you had made it this far in life was pure luck.

"Ok well I expect to be able to take down anyone by the end of this" you told him taking your hands away from his and punching him in the arm

"not punching like that you're not" he laughed

After an hour of training all you had learned was that a punching bag actually hurt to punch, your hands felt numb you wondered how you could possibly go back to work now

"We're going to keep working on this everyday" Lee said

"everyday?" you asked raising an eyebrow

"I want you to learn how to at least get away from someone who is attacking you"he said seriously

Your shoulders dropped knowing he wasn't joking, you accepted that this was now part of your daily routine.

"okay" you said " but that's the only thing I will do and thats it, got it?" 

"got it" A triumphant smile on his face

Your body was aching but after a quick lunch with your favorite person and his friend, who now seemed very interested in being a third wheel. You made your way inside room #66 , only this time you found the room destroyed. Papers,maps, the inside of pillows covered the floor, deep slashes covered one wall. The mattress had ended up on the other side of the room, with the room completely destroyed you gathered the remaining strength you had for the day and got to work.

It took you over an hour to set everything back the way it was, finally done placing all the papers in two neat piles on the desk you found the picture of the woman and son crumpled in a corner, you smoothed it out as best as you could and place it on the desk. Deciding to be bold you took a blank piece of paper and with your newly learned calligraphy skills (which still needed a lot of work) you wrote a simple note

I hope your day has been better today

placing the note and mended shirt on the bed you took a look around at your hard work , bringing a smile to your face.

After the longest day you have had in years you were ready to call it an early night but Tala stopped you and dragged you to dinner with her. 

Lee and that _guy_ were already sitting at the table 

_great , just what I wanted_

Tala seemed very cheerful today, she even put her book down to join the conversation. You spotted a shiny new necklace on her slender neck _Ah thats why she's so happy_ you thought. The night seemed to finishing off on a good note until a trooper walked to your table

"come with me" he said looking at you

Your hands started sweating

"why?" asked Lee

"not your business" the trooper said " now follow me" 

looking at Lee , your eyes pleading for help

He grabbed your hand and squeezed it "Go with him, I will follow you" he whispered

Nodding , you stood up and followed .

Making your way to the familiar elevators and getting off in a very familiar floor , panic set in . He suddenly stopped making you crash into his back. 

"sorry" you managed to say

looking at the door you saw it, #66.

suddenly the door opened and he motioned with his hand for you to enter, you slowly made your way inside the pitch dark room. only two steps in and the door closed behind you. Your eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness you sensed a presence , he spoke before your eyes could focus 

"First you think this is a playground and now you think it is acceptable to use my things?" A deep voice said from behind the desk.

All your body could do was stand perfectly still, forgetting how to breathe, how to think. You knew it had been bold of you to do it, but this seemed too much for a single piece of paper. Is that how much value your life had?

He quickly made his way across the room, before you could comprehend what was happening your back was against the door his forearm across your chest pinning you in place, suddenly his lips slightly brushed against your ear as he spoke

"Are you a thief?" his hot breath warming your ear, your body starving for air suddenly making your lungs ache "calm down" his voice was deep and sad. Your body slowly releasing all the tension , slowly taking deep breaths the room slowly coming into focus you noticed the refresher light was on with the door opened just a sliver gaining more sight as the seconds passed you turn your focus to the man holding you against the door

Noticing his large frame , he was hunched over you , he was so close you could smell him. His scent was overwhelming, leather and...

"now answer my question" he said again "are you a thief?"

"N-no" your voice shook

"What would make you think its acceptable for you to touch my personal belongings?" his breathing now erratic

"I am sorry , please forgive me I wont do it again" you said pleading "please you can send me back to my old job and have someone else take my spot but please dont kill me" your eyes swelling with tears. Your mind catching up to you _Did he say playground?_ your knees suddenly giving up falling to the ground _is this?_

Tears streamed your face you hugged yourself looking for comfort.

**Kylo's POV:** _why is she acting like this? its a simple question_ he crouched next to you grabbing your chin with his gloved hand turning your head to where his face was

"I said calm down" he said this softly

giving you a minute to pull yourself together, this whole time his hand was still holding your face bringing his closer _does she care? No why would she_

 **You** : your shaky sobs finally coming to a stop , you opened your eyes you tried to focus on his face _is he human?_ You could tell his hair was long he turned slightly and you noticed he had an aquiline nose. you guessed he noticed what you were trying to do because he suddenly shook your head from side to side , losing your focus again

"I will be here every time you come to clean, which will now be at the end of your shift, understood?" his voice stern his hand moving your head up and down now, prompting to you to say yes

"Yes" you whispered

"you may go now" he said getting up releasing you

you quickly stood, and walked to the door pressing the pad beside it to open it

"thank you for fixing it" shocked by his words you turned around

"uh yes, ok" you rushed out of the room as soon as the door opened.

No idea how you made it all the way down to your floor, finally feeling like your life wasnt in peril closing your eyes you leaned against the wall and tried to calm yourself as best as you could 

suddenly hearing footsteps your heart skipped a beat, opening your eyes you sighed with relief 

"ah its only you" you said

"who'd you expect?" he said with a grin on his face, standing in front of you

oh how you wanted to punch his smug face

"i wanted to talk to you in private, I just never seem to get the chance" he said placing both of his hands on either side of you , trapping you.

_not again_

"what do you want?" you asked exasperated

"to warn you" his face suddenly serious 

"of?" you scoffed

he paused, studying your face "I just want you to be careful around the men in your life, dont trust them" 

The way he said it , you could feel he was being sincere, caring almost.

shaking your head you ducked under one of his arms you made your way to your room. Turning to look where he still stood waiting for the door to open

"I should start with you" you said entering the safety of your room

 _What does he mean the men in my life?_ ignoring it and going to your bed you suddenly realized _Where is Lee? He said he would follow me_

The logical answer to you was , he had no way to follow you to officers sleeping quarters or he must've been called somewhere else. You tried to sleep your mind making its way back to the commanders room the warmth of his body so close to yours , the thought of it making your head feel heavy.

Trying not to think of tomorrow you slowly dozed off.


	7. Beating

Your mind could not concentrate all day, thinking of having to spend time alone with the supreme leader. The only thought was, fear. You hadn't seen Lee all day, when you arrived for training he wasn't there. 727's words kept floating around your thoughts 'dont trust the men in your life'. _How can he call himself a friend? that snake._ You still couldn't figure out why he would say something like that. trying to keep your mind occupied on something else you looked for Tala, the only voice of reason you knew.

You had no luck finding her, so you decided to head back to work early. Making your way out of the elevator to resume your duties , you spotted general Hux coming out of his room adjusting the buttons on his jacket. He made his way towards the elevator next to you , completely ignoring your presence. You noticed something peeking out of his collar, it was round and red.

When you looked where he came from you noticed that Tala was coming out of the generals room you turned to look at the elevator the doors now closing, realization hitting you like a ton of hutts , you ran up to Tala 

"Are you serious?!" you asked "him?"

You never thought Tala's already pale skin could turn any lighter but she looked like her life left her body.

"No one is supposed to know" you could barely hear her say

knowing how much trouble this meant for her, you hugged her, rubbing her back in small circles

"its all going to be alright , you know I wont tell anybody" you tried to soothe her

"I know" she said hugging you back

You stood there , hugging each other

"I have been looking for you" you finally spoke " I need to tell you something" you broke the embrace and grabbed her hand pulling her to a wall motioning for her to sit on the floor next to you. 

You told her every detail of the day before, she sat there quietly listening letting you release all of your fears, once you were done she held your hand and leaned her head on your shoulder

"I love him" she said

"I know" she turned to face you

"you do?" she asked 

" of course , I mean I know you haven't said much about him these past few years but it was obvious from the beginning that you loved him" you smiled at her " the way you talk about the little things he does for you, or how you cherish everything he gives you"

"He loves me too, he says it all the time" Her voice feeling ecstatic

her head was back on your shoulder her hand squeezing yours, a few minutes passed

"Do you think that what I feel for Lee is love?" you asked 

"No" she answered flatly

shocked by her words you didnt say anything back

she sighed " I just think that maybe what you feel for him is nothing but a crush , and I dont know how to feel about him" a pause " the way he looks at you sometimes , I dont like it"

"what do you mean?" you raised an eyebrow

"of course you wouldn't notice, maybe what you feel is lust, you have said that before you came here men weren't nice to you. For what its worth he is nice to you , but only when 'you' are looking" she shrugged

"what does that mean?!" your voice rising

"I mean when you look at him his face changes, he puts on a show for you" a pause " But I guess he thinks I dont actually pay attention to him"

nothing

"and?" you poked her arm

"well I can see it for just a second or two , I cant say what it means but I dont like it" she finished

"thats just how he is, he is a man thats lived a hard life" you said sure of your words, of your feelings " I trust him , he protects me"

She kept her eyes on you "OK then, if you trust him then I do too" giving your hand a final squeeze " We should get back to work" she said getting up pulling you up with her

one last hug , making your way back to your side of the hallway

"dont say anything" said Tala, you turned to see her

"about you and him? I know" _does she not trust me?_

"No,I mean when you go to his room to clean later" she placed her index finger in front of her lips "I have been told that he hates when people speak to him without him asking a direct question"

it dawned on you "thank you , I will" giving her a thumbs up 

Before you knew it it was time to make your way to room #66 you stood outside for what felt like forever, was it excitement you felt? or a new type of fear?

When you entered the room , the lights were on and then you saw the huge black mass sitting on the small couch in the middle of the room the hood from his robes was up. Legs shaking you slowly made your way to the refresher deciding it would be best to clean somewhere he couldn't see you. When you emerged you glanced his way, noticing he has his mask on. Fear freezing you in place, last night you had seen a small amount of humanity in him but now you saw the same monster as always. He was just sitting there staring at nothing in front of him, he must have noticed you staring because he turned his head slightly to where you stood.

You rushed to the bed and started making it, replacing the linen. you moved your way across the room to the small kitchen cleaning the single cup that was in the sink . You took a plate from the cupboard , retrieving pastries you had in your cart you placed them on the plate..

 **Kylo's POV:** He felt your presence outside of the door, felt your fear. saw you clumsily make your way to the refresher , banging the cart on the corner of the bed. Annoyed at you for being careful. He kept an eye on the door waiting for you to come out, when you did he turned his head to get a better look at you.

 _Nothing special, just a cleaner girl from a trash planet_ As you made the bed _Does everything she do have to be done so loudly?_

Still keeping an eye on you

**You:**

"what is that?" His modified voice scaring you so bad you dropped the plate

_Oh no_

You were so flustered with everything that you dropped to your knees and absentmindedly started picking up the broken glass not being careful placing the broken pieces in the bin next to you

Loud steps made their way behind you and then he made his way to you , grabbing you by the elbow he pulled you up 

"Are you this dense?" His loud modified voice asked, terrifying you "do you not notice your hands are bleeding?" he let go of you

You turned your hands in front you palms up _How?_

"sit" he commanded pointing to the couch

not moving

"NOW!" he yelled, making you jump 

you rushed over and sat down, he sat down next to you . His huge body taking up most of the small couch making you shrink to the side.He roughly grabbed your wrists with one hand, you noticed he had a small aid kit balanced on his knee. He took alcohol, gauze and bandages out, pouring the alcohol in your hands you screamed in pain.

"stop it" was all he said

not wanting to upset him , you bit your lip and kept quiet while he bandaged your hands sloppily. If you didn't know better you would think that he was trying not to cause you anymore pain, you noticed a slight tremble to his hands.

"You should go now" the tone in his voice changing

You stood, trying to push your cart to the door you winced in pain

"You really are just.." he let out a frustrated groan " I will have someone take it down for you , just go"

You walked so fast to the elevator , your head pounding from what had just happened.

_Was that him being nice?_

once you were out you slowly made your way to the cafeteria, replaying tonights events. Sitting down at the table you didnt notice Lee was sitting next to you , 727 and Tala were there staring at you with shocked expressions

"what did he do?" Tala said getting up making her way to you , embracing you from behind "how did he do it?"

"who?" asked 727 looking from you to Tala for an answer

"the commander" said Tala firmly

"why would he hurt you?" 727 looked at you , you noticed his face went from mad to concerned all in one second 

_why does he care?_

"did you cross paths with him again?" Lee finally asked

looking at him , you could see what Tala had said earlier but brushed it off

"she cleans his room" Tala answered for you

silence

"it wasnt him" you spoke "I broke a plate and he bandaged my hands"

"'the' commander , supreme leader , 'he' bandaged 'your' hands?" said 727 incredulous 

"yes" you whispered " well he tried" looking at your hands you could see how crazy it sounded.

" You should go to bed, You look like you need rest" said Lee getting up offering you his hands

you nodded, Tala released you. He grabbed you by the elbows , helping you get up.

"will you be ok?" asked Tala fear in her eyes

"Yes" you managed a small smile just for her

"I'll walk her to her room , dont worry" Lee placed an arm around your waist 

" I will be there soon , there's something I need to do" Tala said after you

You made the way to your room in silence, leaning your head on Lee's shoulder you felt safe. Once you arrived at your door , Lee spun you to face him placing one hand on your hip and the other cupping your face bringing it to his. His lips locking into yours for a few seconds, your stomach feeling sick _I shouldnt have skipped dinner_ he released you, he kissed your cheek

"tomorrow will be better, I'm always here for you" his grey eyes piercing right thru you

You nodded.

"have good dreams" he winked at you, and left . 

Your head spinning , you made your way inside falling on your bed

_He kissed me_

Leaving your worries behind knowing Lee would be there to protect you.


	8. Move

You woke up not sure how to feel about yesterdays events, you followed your morning routine, of shower and breakfast and made your way to the utility room where your cart should be. There it was , waiting for you. _He did have someone bring it down ._

"I talked to him and he can have you back to your old duties by today" Tala was like a cat , always sneaking up behind you.

"who?" you asked

"I talked to 'someone' about what happened yesterday, he can have you back in your old job right now" she paused giving you a look of, _is that pity?_

"why area you looking at me like that?" you said raising an eyebrow

" I just" she stared at her feet now " ..I feel horrible about what happened, its my fault I signed you up for a job you probably never even wanted"

"Hey no its ok" you said grabbing her hands with your badly bandaged ones, this only made her bottom lip tremble "please dont cry, I really am ok this was my fault"

she looked at you with teary pleading eyes "Is he making you say this?" 

"how would he? , I will be ok no worries" giving her hands a light squeeze to show her you were fine, trying to hide the pain it caused you.

"I'll believe you for now" she sniffed

"well with that done can we get to work before we actually get in trouble?" you smiled at her hoping it would put her in a better mood

"lets go then" she smiled, you sighed with relief. You really didnt want anyone to think he had hurt you , not sure why you didnt want to make him look bad

When you arrived at the elevators you reached for your card and couldnt find it around your belt

"hey, did you see if i dropped my card around here?" you said looking around you , under the carts 

"no , did you lose it?" she asked also looking around the floor

"I think I have" panic settling in the bottom of your stomach

"we can just ask for a replacement" she shrugged

"I really dont want them to think im being careless, im sure I just left it on my bed and forgot it" you tried to hide the panic in your voice "besides we always go to the same place so I will just stick with you until I find it"

"whatever doesnt get you into trouble is ok with me"

putting the matter behind you , the rest of your day went as expected. Until you arrived to your now nightly cleaning of the commanders room. 

Just like yesterday he was there when you arrived, sitting on the small couch with his mask on.

_Does he sleep with that thing on?_

You didnt let his presence bother you , you got straight to work the sooner you were done the better. He sat there not saying anything with both hands on his knees. When you were done you made your way to the door

"Sit" he said sending shivers down your spine, you turned around to politely decline but a black wall stood in front of you , he grabbed you by the wrist making you follow him to the couch . The small aid kit was already in one of his big hands _When did he get that?_ He didnt say a word taking your old bloodied bandages off very carefully, cleaning your wounds and wrapping your hands in clean bandages. The whole time your eyes were on his mask, for years this mask had pierced fear thru your heart and now he was caring for your wounds.

"I was going to go to the med bay later tonight" you spoke, the one rule Tala had told you and you broke it. You stopped breathing, he didnt respond. Until finally he was done and let go of your hands, your breath returning to you in big gulps.

"You're going to pass out if you keep doing that" He said grabbing you by the shoulders "breathe slowly"

Somehow your body listened, once you were calm he stood up and walked to his desk

"I believe you know the way out"

You nodded and left, feeling a warmness in your chest.

**A few days later** 727 found you before you left for work, you still didnt trust the poor guy there was something about him you couldnt explain.

"hey I have a gift for you" he walked towards you

"are you leaving?" You asked with a grin

"you wish you could hold my rock hard body against yours, the sooner you stop denying it the more fun we can have" you rolled your eyes and started to walk away from him "no wait I really have something important for you"

You groaned and stopped "what is it?" you asked annoyed

"this" he said holding your card in his hands

"where did you find it?" you said grabbing it from his hands

"In the hall by the cafeteria" _makes sense_ " so what is my reward? a kiss perhaps?"

"I will kiss your face with a blaster if you try" you exclaimed

"hmm tough choice" he said turning and walking away from you "see you around sweetie"

_ugh this guy_

The rest of your day went as expected, your daily training with Lee was making you stronger and your relationship with him was going better than you expected.

Your daily cleanings of the commanders room was not as bad as the first few days , the only words you exchanged were said by him 'sit' just so he could change your bandages. Your hands were healing pretty good.

But tonight was different , he wasnt there. A small pain invaded your chest, you had gotten so used to the routine of him cleaning your cuts. You admitted that you were disappointing you didnt see him tonight. 

He returned a week later, you were in the middle of your practice with Lee when he approached you. His walk was fierce like a lion pouncing on his next meal. You froze in place,Lee stood next to you , feeling his protection you relaxed.

He reached for your hands, inspected them by turning them over and sideways and he walked away. Leaving everyone around you shocked.

"should I be worried?" Lee whispered to you

"huh ? oh no I guess he was making sure my hands were ok" you shook your head

"I am a little jealous" he said placing stray hairs in your face behind your hear , making you flush.

"Lets get back to training " you said punching him in the arm wishing he would kiss you right now.

Arriving oustide the commanders room later that day , you felt a slight flutter in your stomach. Why were you excited to see him again?. When you entered the room you were not shocked by what you saw, he was sitting on the couch hunched over his hands on either side of his helmet. The room completely destroyed, again.

You silently and diligently got to work . It took you longer this time, you were about to leave but something stopped you. You slowly approached him standing a few feet away from him, he was like a statue he had not moved an inch this whole time. Hand trembling you slowly extended it to touch his shoulder, thinking better of it you stopped. 

Grabbing your wrist he stood and brought you closer to him with a sharp pull. His mask looking down at you, catching your reflection in his visor. So close your chests were touching. Standing there staring at each other for so long , you snapped out of it all you could do was ..

"is everything alright?" your voice barely above a whisper

nothing...

and then

He let go of you, pointing to the door.

You knew better than to stay.


	9. Block

**2 months later**

Your life had changed completely in the past 3 months, Lee and you were inseparable. When he was off in missions you always wondered if you would make it back in one piece. Nothing had changed between you and 727, he still annoyed you and you still tried your best to ignore him. He seemed to be around a lot more now, which was a problem.

Wanting to take your relationship further was a task that you thought would be easier. Somehow something always stopped you. 727's pestering presence, missions, and lately the supreme leader was added to the list . He had taken a permanent spot in your mind now, every time you were close to taking your clothes off you felt his presence or his hands on yours breaking the spell Lee had on your body.

The perfect timing had arrived one day a week ago, or so you thought. Lee had led you to an empty closet, with your shirt unbuttoned his wet lips on your neck leaving soft kisses one hand on the small of your back the other tightly squeezing a breast. Your mind full of lust the door burst opened and there he stood the black wall that was your commander

"get back to work" his voice loud and angry, leaving the door open as he left.

Your work had improved, some days he would be sitting on the couch when you arrived or sitting at his desk mask always on. It started off slow with a 'goodbye' or 'hello' from your part, now you could communicate with him better. Instead of pointing he would actually ask what he needed, mostly it was always mending something he ripped but he had moved to saying 'goodnight' to you every night now, which brought a smile to your face. 

Lee would ask you sometimes what you did, but you always had the same answer for him 'clean his room'. You guessed it was a male thing, to worry about what other men do around the girl you like. Somehow your answer never seemed to satisfy him. You joked one day of how he was planning to eliminate 20 planets in one day , that got his attention but he lost interest once you said it wasn't true.

Tala confided in you more about her relationship, now that you knew her secret. You realized that even if he couldn't publicly show it, he does love her. Who knew general Hux was such a romantic, always bringing her gifts when he left for long periods of time. How she always seemed to spend the night with him. It made you jealous of her relationship, you wanted something like that too. someone who cherished you and maybe Lee was the right person for that.

 **Kylo's POV:** _why does she make it difficult_ he thought as he followed your thoughts to the small closet , not knowing why he was making an effort to keep Lee off you. When he arrived, he had to concentrate all his power on not ripping Lee's head off. His feelings to protect you from harm growing everyday, he had felt guilty? about the cuts on your hands. Your arrival at his room every night gave him something to look forward to. He could throw away all the clothes he destroyed , but he liked the way you could fix something that was broken. 

He likes the way you hum to yourself when you clean, or how you bring him desserts when they are available. The way your body slowly relaxed as time passed, were you less afraid of him now? He had to find out.

 **You:** Making your way inside the commanders room, you didnt see him anywhere. Not thinking much of it you got to work , it had brought your mood down not seeing him. He was having that effect on you and you didnt know how to feel about it. You were setting his clean clothes in his closet, lots of black. when you heard the door open, your heart skipped a beat and you turned to look only to find a tall man making his way to the commanders desk his back to you

"uhm excuse me" you said making your way to desk too, walking behind him " Are you allowed to be here?" you asked the black mass in front you 

_This must be one of his knights_

The man turned to face you , you froze in place. You thought they were all monsters under the masks, but he was beautiful. His long nose, pale skin, pink full lips and his shoulder length black wavy hair, the way he was looking at you stole your breath away. He looked from your feet all the way up , pausing at your lips until his eyes settled on yours. A heat was rising in your chest, no one had ever looked at you the way he was doing it. It felt like he could see inside of you, you noticed a slight twitch under his eye never taking his gaze off you.

_Is this? no it couldn't be_

He walked towards you, slowly like he was trying not to scare you.

"Are you done for tonight?" his voice was deep with a softness to it

you opened your mouth to answer, but no words came out. You saw he was holding something in his hand _It is him_ you thought as you took a step forward , your body was doing things you could not control. You stood so close to him you had to look up to see his face, he looked down at you with a confused look on his face. Before you knew it your hand was on his cheek _He's a real person_ he shifted his body closer to yours , with a better view of his face you noticed his freckles his eyes like galaxies pulling you in.

"you're not afraid?" he asked, a slight tremble in his voice

you slightly shook your head

How am I touching him? He should've killed me by now

"I'm not going to hurt you" He said bringing a warmth to your chest "is this better, more comfortable for you?"

He must have seen the confusion in your face

"I know you are afraid of me" he said shifting closer so your chests were touching " I want to change that"

"why?" your voice barely audible

"I-" he paused " I want to know why too"

You felt the urge to bring your lips to his, but pulled away from the trance he had you in and took a few steps back.

"Its late I have somewhere I need to be" you made your way to your cart pulling it to the door

"that stormtrooper?" He asked his voice rising at the end

"yes, my friends" you answered

"You know he's not allowed to have a normal life, dont you?" you saw his jaw clench

"I know " you said as you walked out of the room " I'm not allowed either"

Making your way to your quarters , your mind still had not processed what had just happened. 

"Hello there gorgeous" 

The last thing you needed

"what do you want?" you asked irritated

"just wanted to ask you something" 727 said behind you , you kept walking " Oh what is it you asked? simple. If i were to tell you that you could leave this place with me, would you?"

you stopped and turned to look at him "why would I leave?" you asked " I have everything I need right here" you said 

" well lets just say this is not the best place" he paused bringing himself closer to you , his expression changing to something you had never seen in him- serious " I can take you away with me, you and Tala, just say yes" he whispered

You thought for a minute, why was he saying these things to you? what had ever happened between you two to make him think he could say this to you?

"you probably know things that you don't even realize are important" he continued" or you can take important things"

" If you're talking treason, Im not moving a finger for you" you said sternly " I know you may think that me being the maid of the supreme leader maybe I know things I shouldn't. I can tell you with certainty that I know nothing, I dont snoop around his personal belongings and I wont get killed because of you. be thankful that I will let this pass and not tell anyone what you just asked of me" you said turning away from him making your way into your room

Why had all the men around you turned into completely different people today? The only man that mattered still had not changed so you tried to scrub tonight's events from your mind as you tried to sleep.


	10. Traitor

When you saw Tala the next morning you told her everything. She took a moment to gather her thoughts , telling you that you did the right thing turning him down. You asked her to not say anything to Hux, you may not like the guy but you also didnt want his blood on your hands.

"hey I'm going to be gone for a few days"Lee told you during training "maybe when I get back we can try the closet again?" he winked at you

"oh um yes ok" you sounded unsure of yourself and you felt odd about him touching you now, maybe it was just nerves about what 727 had offered you the night before.

"you dont seem so sure about it" his hand caressing your cheek now, making you melt at his touch 

"just not feeling well today I guess" you answered _I must be crazy thinking badly of him_

"I can fix that" his lips were on yours, making you forget everything.

Making your way to the commanders room that night all you could think about was Lee's tender touch and soft kisses. When you entered you did not even notice that he was sitting on the couch staring at you as you moved around the room straightening it out. When you were done and walked towards the door, he cleared his throat making you turn to the source of the noise. 

He wasn't wearing his mask , again. It was shocking how beautiful he was, a man who caused so much fear in the galaxy. He made his way to you 

"what's your name?" he asked when he stopped a couple of feet away from you

_Is he serious?_

"Y/N" you said moving your gaze from his face to the floor, his stare too intense for you

"and you are from?" he took another step

"um, I'm from Arkanis" a lump in your throat you could barely speak 

he cleared his throat "lots of rain"

"yes , too much"

_Is he trying to make small talk?_

another step

He was so close you could smell him, a mix of citrus and leather

He pointed at the small couch "sit" he said with something that you would call a smile on his face, but it just made him look like he was in pain. Horrified at what was happening you quickly moved to the couch and sat down. He sat next to you , palms on his knees. trying to make yourself smaller you hugged yourself.

"you're cold?" he turned to look at you 

_Oh thats a question_

"um no , I'm just uh" _how can I avoid this? "_ Why? _" dont offend him_

your question caught him off guard, his brow furrowed. after a moment

"I have heard of rebel scum that have infiltrated our bases" you turned to face him , locking eyes with him " Do you know anything about that?"

_727\. how does he know? is this my last meal before I die? does he think I'm one of them?_

"like I said before, I wont hurt you"he turned his body to face yours he pinched your chin between his fingers bringing his face closer to yours " I just want to know if you know anything or anyone who might have plans against the first order"

you blinked, not sure how to answer. Your skin felt hot, electricity surging through your body. There it was again , that feeling to bring your lips to his.

He studied your face, your breathing becoming ragged with every passing moment. His hand left your chin and moved to the back of your heard, thinking you were going to die you closed your eyes. 

You felt the warmth of his lips on yours, he moved closer. Your body on fire , your brain short circuited and you kissed him back. Moving your hands to his chest , his kiss intensified placing his free hand on your back he brought you closer. your lips and tongues in sync, like he was reading your every thought. You moved your hand to grab his hair, it was soft but coarse your lust flowing so freely through you that you pulled. This only made him shift both of you so expertly that you were now straddling him , feeling his growing erection beneath you only fueled your desire. you sneaked a hand under his shirt , feeling his well toned abdomen . He brought his lips to your neck, igniting a fire under you. Your mind filled with euphoria, your hands moving to take his shirt off. When you separated to lift it off his head you looked into his eyes, filled with a ravenous desire you snapped back to reality. Pushing yourself off him you stumbled backwards.

"im sorry" you apologized and ran out of the room to the elevator down the hallways all the way to your quarters locking the door behind you.

_what did I just do?_

All the alarms in your body made it impossible to sleep without thinking of him , his hands on you . wanting them on you.

The next day you decided to go back to your old cleaning schedule. Surely you could avoid seeing him. A few days passed and you thought he had forgotten all about you, he had not said anything about cleaning the room when he wasnt there. You finally relaxed when you saw Lee was back, your protector. 

"Hey there stranger" you said running up to him giving him a kiss on the cheek

"oh yes , hey" he said barely looking at you

something must have gone wrong, You knew not to ask since most of the time he couldn't even tell you anyways.

For days Lee seemed agitated , like something was bothering him. You asked several times but all he did was shrug it off or ignore your questions. 

Thinking how you could make him feel better you walked into the commanders room after lunch like you had done for the past week. 

"This was not what we agreed on" you almost jumped out of your skin

"I thought it would be all right after what happened" avoiding eye contact

he walked to you " that was mutual" he walked closer, your face flushing

"It was a mistake on my part" a pause " it wont happen again "

"it wont?" he asked taking one step, bringing him so close you lost focus

"please I-I cant" you looked at his boots

he grabbed a fistful of your hair, making you look at him

"why not?" he asked , his eyes searching, drilling into you "ahh , I see.. I'm still a monster to you"

you closed your eyes, the pain in the back of your head pulsing, he was holding you too tight

"I can just take whatever I need from you" he whispered in your ear "make you do anything I desire"

Heat flowed through your veins

A knock

"what is it?!" He shouted, making you jump

"you are needed at the command deck sir" a small voice came from the other side

He let go of you, pointing a finger at you " Do not disobey my orders again" With that he left

You felt like your mind was spinning out of control , it was hard to finish your work for the rest of the day , not sure how you managed to. You went looking for Lee only to be told that he wasnt onboard.

_That's odd he didn't tell me he was leaving , it must be important since the commander got called also_

The next day all everyone could talk about was how a group of traitors had been found onboard, some had escaped. You tried to figure out if 727 was part of them , but not wanting to ask anyone directly you didn't get far in your investigation.

The time had come and you made your way to commanders room, before you could try and open it something pulled you inside and slammed you against the wall. knocking your head on the wall your eyes blurred for a second, the room was dark.

"I asked you what you knew and you lied!!" one hand on your throat slowly lifting you off the ground, both of your hands on his trying to pry it open 

His hand squeezed making it harder to breathe " I -I " you choked out "please"

He let go dropping you to the floor, your lungs hungry for air

He crouched down , grabbing you by the hair again

"where are they?" he asked through gritted teeth 

"who?" it clicked in your head " the traitors?"

"Yes, where are they?" you asked shaking you 

"I dont know who they are" you answered honestly

"yes you do" he said softly "tell me and I might let you live" 

"Please , I really dont know" your eyes watering

"Your trooper 'friends' " he said with venom in his voice

Your breaths were shaky

_No, he cant possibly mean .._

"727?" you asked trembling, your body suddenly cold

"yes and the other one" his voice was ice

"the other.." _LEE?_ "no , he isnt "

"You really dont know?" his grip on you loosening

"He - he wouldnt" doubt entered your mind , thinking of the past months nothing made sense

"He made a copy of your card , made his way in here" he said pointing to the floor "Of course he didnt find anything, then he made his way through a few other girls one of them gave him access to some important data" he stood walking to the wall to turn the lights on "he made his way through a lot of girls" he turned to look at you" did you really think you were the only one?"

_How could I be so stupid?_

"we do have one of the traitors, we are interrogating him now " his eye twitched " I wanted the other one, but he will do for now"

you started crying slowly at first , sitting on the cold floor you hugged your knees to your chest. He bent down scooping you up and carrying you to his bed. You cried into his chest, he laid you down and climbed next to you. One arm under your head the other wrapped around you bringing you close. you held onto his shirt, unable to control your sobbing. 

He stroked your back " he left you" his voice low " abandoned you, just like everyone has done. You are nothing to him , You are nothing to anyone. I see you, I know your inner desires. To be valued, cherished, cared for. I can make the pain go away" his voice was honey in your ears

through wet lashes you looked up at him 

_could it be possible?_

Putting your face on his chest you held him to you, his warm body lulling you to sleep.


	11. Master

***A/N: This is my longest chapter, sorry***

In the morning You pretended to be asleep when you felt him get out of bed, listening to his footsteps as he crossed the room to the refresher , took a shower and got ready. You heard him open the door and sighed with relief 

"You can do better than that, I expect you to be here tonight" he said as he walked out

Your mind a mess of thoughts. nothing made sense. The man you thought you loved had betrayed you, left you to deal with the consequences of his actions. _Now it all makes sense ._ You remembered the time 727 told you to not trust the man in your life, you should've paid more attention. You fell for a pretty man with grey eyes thinking he felt the same way about you, only to be stabbed in the back. Everyone always left you behind, your parents, your friends, always feeling like extra baggage no one wanted to carry around. You thought it would be different this time, thought that maybe you could both leave the order and run away together. How foolish of you to think that someone could actually love you.

Maybe you would take Kylo Ren's offer, what else do you have to lose. Right now you felt like an empty shell, its not like you haven't been used before. You decided it would be best to do as you're told.

You tried your best to avoid Tala, even got a new card so you didn't have to wait for her. You couldn't let her see the shame on your face, the sadness it would bring her to see you so defeated.

When you arrived to his room that night, you were not sure what to expect. 

"sit" he said, he was already sitting on the small couch.

when you sat down you tried avoiding looking at him, concentrating on the damaged wall.

_I guess they are never going to fix that_

"look at me" he said reaching to touch your hand " I know how you feel right now, I know words cannot change what happened to you. Your whole life no one has wanted you... I want you"

With this you turned to look at him , his face a mix of emotions you could feel his loneliness it spoke without words just like yours

"why me?" you asked

"You lost your fear of me, there must be a reason" his eyes pleading

"I found it easier to accept the fate i was given , there's no point in trying to change who you are" You tried moving your hand away but he held it tighter " you like to murder people and I like a safe place to sleep" 

"Ah I see" he inched closer to you " when I get closer to you is it fear or" his lips on your ear "lust?"

your body melting under him, his scent intoxicating

"This is all I need from you , see unlike your friend I dont like lying " his hand moving up your arm sending goosebumps all over your body, settling on your neck " Is this something we can agree on?

Your body exploding at his touch, you gave in and moved your head leaving your neck exposed to him. He was ready like a viper ready to attack his prey. Nipping at your neck his hands moved to your hips bringing you closer putting your arms around his neck he brought your body on top of him to straddle him. Your eyes closed you felt him get up and walk . Throwing you on the bed , placing a knee between your legs he took your pants off with one fell swoop. He climbed on top of you and ripped your shirt open , leaning on one elbow he began kissing you roughly his free hand unhooking your bra. His whole hand covered your breast , kneading it softly . shifting he straddled you and took your panties off , never taking his lips off you . His kiss fervent, needy. He entered in one movement , bringing pain he began pushing in and out of you ,slamming his hips into yours. placing one hand on your neck and the other on the bed you saw the intensity in his eyes. He began to squeeze your neck , the lack of air making you dizzy you brought your hands to his trying to pry it open. seeing you struggle only made him slam into you harder. His jaw clenched , his eyes like amber you felt yourself loosing consciousness . Thats when you felt him release into you and his grip on your neck relax. gasping for air you looked at him , only detecting bliss on his face. He climbed off you and walked to the refresher , you took this opportunity to quickly dress and leave.

Your body numb and hurt made it difficult to walk, but you made it to your bed. You knew that he wasnt a warm person, but now you felt more used than ever. You agreed to this, now you had to deal with whatever he wanted. You cried yourself to sleep, thinking maybe it would get better.

Weeks of the same daily routine passed, every night he was ready for you. As soon as you walked in he would grab you and toss you on the bed. Sometimes he would change it up and you actually passed out, that only made him hungrier for your body. Leaving bruises on your neck , bites all over your chest, it made it hard to cover them up . But last night you had enough, you tried pushing him off and it angered him . He struck you in the face so hard you lost hearing in your ear for a couple of hours. looking at yourself this morning after your shower, your body covered in bruises at different stages of healing. Your face was now bright red on side, your eye almost completely shut from the swelling

_This is going to be hard to explain_

You tried your best to avoid Tala, You had done so well these past few weeks. You figured she had let you sulk because of the Lee thing, but you knew you couldn't hide forever. She spotted you when you got out of the elevator . Her expression changed from happy to see you to horrified the closer she got.

"who did this to you?" she moved stray hairs from your face to get a better look

"oh you know a droid malfunctioned and it hit me, I'm ok really" you tried to smile to not worry her, but smiling hurt

"this is a hand print " her jaw tense "who was it?"

"If I tell you we would both be in trouble" you pleaded

"Tell me I might be able to fix it" she took your hands in hers

"Oh trust me your 'boyfriend' would die if he tried to say anything" 

_I said too much_

She looked confused then it clicked, she looked from you to the commanders door and back to you

"Why would 'he' do this?" she whispered

"I -I " shame flowing freely through you "I agreed to this, well not this just sex but he is a bit rough"

"why would you agree to anything with that monster?" she said through gritted teeth

"I honestly dont know, I guess after everything that happened i just dont care anymore" you said defeated

"I'm sure there must be something we can do to get you out of this" her eyes were teary

"I'm ok really I have it under control"

"no you dont!" she raised her voice "I dont want you to end up dead"

"I wont , this is just physical trust me" you lied " I think after this things will change"

"Please let me help"

"No , I can handle this . trust me"

she hugged you 

"I will believe you for now, but any more of this and I dont care if we both end up dead ok?"

"got it" you said cheerfully

That night you waited outside the door, preparing yourself for what was to come. You had decided earlier to stand up for yourself and talk to him . Hopefully by the end of tonight you still had a head. You walked in and he was sitting at his desk concentrated over a data pad, he pointed at the bed. You bit your lip and walked over to the desk, your body buzzed with anxiety.

"I wanted to ask you something" you said clearing your throat

"I didnt know I was taking orders from you" he asked annoyed

 _Big mistake_

You turned and walked to the bed, sitting at the edge of it. Defeated.

He pinched the bridge of his nose "what is it?" he asked

You looked at him , not sure if this was a test.

"I'm giving you this chance to speak" he said exasperated " speak!"

you jumped, fiddling with the hem on your shirt 

"I'm just " you gulped "I just want "

You put your head down, hearing his booming steps come to you .Surprised how fast he made it across the room to you. He stood in front of you , your shoes touching.

"look at me" he said softly "what do you want?"

It all just spilled out of you , all your frustrations 

"I want to be treated like a real person , no more bruises or choking me until I pass out. I want to have a conversation sometimes, at least a hello or goodbye. I want to be able to touch you , I dont know if you notice but all you do is pin me down and take whatever you want and I leave. I want this to be an equal exchange. You said you knew what I wanted, but I dont think you do" Tears were trying to escape

"You are asking too much " he said flatly, he sighed . A pause " I can change the bruising , and try and make this more equal. I cant promise conversation. The leaving, thats all you "

You looked up at him , puzzled. 

"I never told you to leave" He looked frustrated with you " I really dont know why you leave, this is basically your job now"

You thought for a minute "would you like me to stay?"

"Its your choice" he shrugged " I have been preparing a surprise for you"

shocked at his words, you stared at him 

"Would you like to see it? he asked , something resembling a smile crossed his face

You nodded

"follow me" he said turning from you stopping at the couch to put on his helmet 

You made your way down the elevator to a long hallway , walking behind him your mind going blank at what a gift from him would be.

Stopping outside a door he turned to you, taking his robe off he put it around you covering your head with the hood. Taking your chin between his fingers

"You will stay silent and not move" He said letting go of you, you nodded

You made your way into a big dark room with a single light at the end , under it you could see the shape of a man. He guided you to a chair next to the door and you sat. You saw him make his way to the man , who you now saw was chained to the wall.

"Well look who it is?" said the voice, you leaned closer to hear "You know I wont tell you anything so just kill me now!"

"I dont need anything from you " said kylo stopping feet away from the man hands behind his back , relaxed " It took weeks but I got all the information I needed from LI-727, he laid there "he pointed at the floor " pleading me to spare his life"

"He wouldnt give you anything, youre lying" Your brain sparked a memory in your head

"Oh but he did" said kylo "How do you think I found you?"

the man said nothing

"I only captured you to ask you about your girlfriend" asked kylo

"which one?" said the man , you could hear the smile in his voice

"the cleaner girl "

"Oh Y/N" the way he said your name _Its Le_ e "I wouldnt worry about her, shes as dumb as a hutt"

"is she?" kylo asked turning his head to the side, you knew he was looking at you to see if you were paying attention "tell me , did she ever help you in your little 'quest'?"

Lee laughed a deep loud laugh " Like i said she is not the smartest, she didnt even notice I took her card" He grinned " Honestly I think she was too worried about getting in my pants to notice what I was doing. I know Choren tried to tell her to stay away, but what can I say the ladies like me"

You felt sorry for his situation but you were also angry at the way he spoke about you

"If I'm correct , you never succeeded " kylo said it loud enough for you to hear

"says who?" Your eyes adjusting to the partial darkness you saw that he was bloodied and beat "I always meet my goals"

"Not with this one" 

A pause

"Is she fucking you too?" Lee exclaimed, laughing " I feel like a king now, Kylo Ren has my leftovers, how does it feel to come after me? shes great isnt she, she does pass herself around"

His movements so quick It was a blur of red and then a soft plop.

Lee's head was on the ground.

Your stomach turned and everything came up

Kylo walked to you,stepped over your sickness and scooped you up off the chair.

He walked down the hallway to the elevator , you were clutching so hard to him your knuckles were white your body shaking. You closed your eyes, until he put you down on the floor. Your knees buckled under you, he held you steady with one arm and you heard water. You opened your eyes and you were in his bathroom, he was filling the small tub. 

"Undress" he said , your brain blank you did as he told you. Holding your arms to your chest , you noticed you were shivering but the room was warm. You didnt realize he had undressed too, you stared at his pale body filled with scars. muscular, somehow it looked bigger naked in front of you. He guided you inside the tub, following you inside. One arm wrapped in front of you he brought your back to his chest, he started cleaning you with a rag . when he was done with cleaning your body he undid the ribbon from your hair you reached your hand and grabbed the ribbon from his hands

"is it valuable?" he asked

"no , I -I stole this when i was a child" you answered holding the ribbon in front of you "I just keep it to remind me that I have a life that is meaningless, that this stolen ribbon is worth more than me"

"I see" he said 

"do you have a real name?" you asked, you dont know why you were asking him , maybe it was the closeness of his body to yours or the murder you had just witnessed but you didnt care what happened to you anymore, so you decided to ask all the questions you kept inside

"Kylo Ren" he said flatly

"No I mean like the name your parents gave you" you said turning your head to the side to catch a glimpse of him " do you have parents?"

"I did, just like you did" he answered " the name they gave me was a cowards name"

thinking back to Lee 

"do you enjoy killing people?" your body tensed waiting for the answer

"sometimes" you relaxed a bit

"do you like being Kylo ren?"

"thats enough" he said getting out of the tub , drying himself.

He helped you get out and dry yourself. He went to his closet and brought a shirt for you , putting it on it was too big for you. He dressed and climbed in bed under the covers, you stood at the edge of the bed not knowing what to do .

"Its your choice" he said

you climbed into bed , on the edge trying to make yourself smaller

a hand grabbed your stomach and pulled you to chest, he nuzzled into your neck . His breathing sending goosebumps all over, after a few minutes it slowed. 

_he's sleeping?_

your body ached and your mind gave out. Drifting off to sleep in his warm embrace.


	12. Fire

The first few weeks after Lee you had nightmares of his head rolling at your feet, looking up at you. You woke up drenched in sweat not being able to go back to sleep, not wanting to bother Kylo you went back to your room. Thinking he wouldn't miss your presence , you went back to your regular duties and tried to avoid him as much as you could. It was easy at first , he had a lot of things going on off the finalizer. When he came back you noticed your things were gone, all that was left was a note with perfect writing 'I am not asking" was all it read. A shiver went down your spine, You knew what this meant. You had become Kylo Ren's plaything.

He tried to be more gentle with you, You noticed the struggle in his face. Somehow you were still in shock of everything that had happened, You were a shell of the person you were before. Hardly talking, eating, You were a ghost roaming the halls.

2 months of this passed, you were still doing your job except now you slept in kylo rens bed every night. Defeated you accepted your new life, how could you ever think someone would actually love you. Lee had used you to get information, Kylo used you for his own fun. You had nothing , you meant nothing to anyone.

Until one night when you walked out of the shower, there was a small box on the bed. Thinking you would get in trouble for touching his things you left it were it was , curled into a ball and tried to sleep. You were finally dozing off when he walked in, You knew what he wanted so you readied your self. 

"Did you not like the gift?" he asked , you could sense frustration in his voice

You propped yourself on your elbows "gift?" you asked maybe your lack of sleep was making you hear things

He walked to the edge of the bed and grabbed the box

_was that for me?_

"I'm sorry I thought you had left it here by accident , I know you dont like it when I touch your personal belongings" You were not sure how to respond to this situation , him giving you something.

He walked to the side of the bed and placed the box on your lap, sitting up you grabbed it your hands shaking. Slowly you opened it, the contents inside were a calligraphy set and parchment. You looked up at him "thank you" you said reaching to grab his hand , holding it in yours a warm spread to your chest. Your body moving without thinking, you stood on the bed and kissed him. 

He pulled you close to him , wrapping your arms around his neck he slowly brought you down to the bed. Attacking your neck with soft kisses "Wait" you said making him stop to look at you, His eye twitching you saw the anger slowly building up. you grabbed him by the shoulders and guided him to be under you, straddling him you started kissing him again, you started moving your hips his erection growing with every movement . His hands on your hips, yours traveled down his chest to undo his pants . Reaching in you started to slowly stroke him , a soft moan escaped his lips. He tried to roll you off him "NO" you exclaimed sitting up , stroking him faster. His lips parted, bliss on his face he looked at you . The warm in your chest spreading to your body. Bringing his full erection to your entrance , moving your panties to the side. Not taking your eyes off each other you slowly descended on him, your breath jagged you started to slowly bounce . Bringing his hand to your lower belly his thumb started tracing small circles on your clit, making you clench and sending electricity all over . Moving in rhythm you let him thrust into you, this only made you clench harder. Feeling him inside of you being in control brought you over the edge and you climaxed, your body twitching. His eyes on you and he exploded inside of you filling you up. You let yourself rest on his chest catching your breath, the warm stickiness slowly seeping out of you. your body hot and sweaty. He wrapped his arms around you. You felt his breathing slow until both of you drifted off to sleep.

When you woke up , he was still holding on to you. You found that you enjoyed this, being in bed with him. It made you feel cherished. 

"Why are you doing this?" he asked startling you , turning to look at him you didnt know how to answer 

_what does he mean by this?_ He must have seen the confusion in your face

"you are not eating, or sleeping, You don't speak" he paused his gaze intense "Are you not happy here?" a slight crack in his voice at the end

"I-" you thought for a minute, you noticed a sadness in his eyes" I am" you faked a smile

"I can see you are not" his hand on your cheek, his thumb caressing you" Do you hate being with me this much?"

"No, I know not to expect a real relationship out of this" you couldnt help the few tears that escaped" Its just hard being used by everyone-"

"he's still troubling you?" he asked concerned

"yes and no. I hate that he used my feelings and that he lied about our relationship, I still dream about his head rolling on the floor.."

"I did that for you" he said " to show you that I know how you feel'

"I know, maybe it wasnt the right way to show me but I do appreciate everything"

"I want you to go back, to the way you were before"

"before?" 

"to the beginning, I-" his jaw clenched "-I like " his eye twitched " when you took care of things for me"

"oh, I can try" He got out of bed so quick the sudden cold made you shiver.

For the next couple of months you saw more of him, he tried to have dinner with you every night. It would be uncomfortably quiet. sometimes he would ask you random questions, asking your favorite things to eat or do. He placed your favorite fruit in your hand one day, not saying a word or waiting for a thank you. You could see that this was him doing something out of character, he looked like he was in pain every time he tried doing something thoughtful. The intimate parts were still a work in progress but he let you take control sometimes.

Tala and you kept an unspoken trust. You both knew better than to speak of what you were both doing. Sometimes you wished to have what she has. You once caught them in the halls walking past each other and slightly brushing their hands . You didnt understand how everyone seemed to be blind , when they were near each other you could feel the love surround them. 

"I love him" You told her one day 

"him?" she asked concern in her face " how could you possibly?"

"I dont know " you looked down at your lap "being around him brings a warm to my chest, I know its crazy but I feel like he feels the same. He has slowly shown me that he cares"

"Because he gave you a pen and some fruit, doesnt mean he loves you" Tala said 

"You dont understand how hard it is for him to do simple things like that, I feel the struggle every time he tries to show me affection" 

"you cant possibly think a man like that can ever love someone" she held your hands in hers " You have to get away from him" she whispered

"why would I do that?" 

"Can you not see that he is doing something to your mind, to make you think you love him"

"No he is not, No one can make anyone do something they dont want to"

"but what if 'he' could?" 

"well even if he could, that is not whats happening" you said leaving her room

The next day he asked you to be his assistant, to follow him around the finalizer when he was on it. You told him you were not qualified to be in meetings and that it would look odd that he suddenly got an assistant when he didnt need one before. He brushed off your concerns and promised it would be fine. 

For weeks you heard whispering behind you whenever you followed him , it was mostly dirty looks. You knew that this looked suspicious and people would figure out what was going on between you two. Your concerns slowly faded, he was right. There was no reason to worry about what anyone thought. This only brought you closer to him, spending all your time around him. You liked the way he paced around a room when deep in thought, the way he bit his lip and creased his forehead when he was looking for an answer. 

**5 months later**

A droid brought a box to your room , not giving it much thought you placed it on the table by the couch. Tala would arrive at any moment, You looked forward to seeing her when you could. She had been avoiding you for weeks at a time. When she arrived you noticed how pale she looked.

"are you ok?" you asked guiding her to the couch

"oh yes I am perfect" she flashed a big genuine smile to you, only making you worry more

"you look tired, and you dont look well, are you sick?" you said sitting beside her, there was something wrong

"I have to tell you sooner or later" she bit her lip "I'm leaving"

"leaving?" you asked in shock "how? why? where?"

" I dont know how or when or where" another smile " I do know the why"

"are you dying?" you asked your voice barely a whisper, she looked so awful sickness was the only explanation

"No" she said with a laugh "I'm pregnant"

it took you a few minutes for your brain to finally work

"but why?" you asked

"are you asking why I'm pregnant?"

"Well why to everything that you just said"

"this is why I look like this, it as been rough, I have also been avoiding you I thought you would figure it out as soon as you saw me. I was wrong"

"ok but why?" you insisted

"He thinks that this will create problems so he is sending me somewhere to be safe , so no one knows where I am. He does have a lot of people that dislike him"

You stood up and started pacing, a trait you had picked up from kylo. You were trying to make sense of what was happening, how could she be so careless.

"did you want this?" you asked stopping to look at her, she really did look awful. Even looking as bad as she did she was still beautiful

"I did, yes" she answered truthfully, you kept pacing

"I feel nauseous" you said stopping

"I know the feeling" she laughed

"I'll be back" you walked in the bathroom , you really felt like your breakfast would make an entrance soon

you splashed some water on your face, thinking how you could help her, not judge her when you heard a choking noise. you ran out and saw Tala on the floor convulsing. You raced to her side, she was scratching at her throat. Her face red, you looked around and noticed the box was open . chocolates inside. You figured she was choking you got her to a sitting position and started performing the heimlich . You felt something warm on your arms, more choking and she went limp bringing you down with her. getting on your knees you turned her over, she was covered in blood, her expression blank.

"hey" you shook her " come on" you shook her more briskly 

she wasnt responding 

you grabbed her tiny wrist in your hand and checked her pulse, panicking you didnt feel one. it must be your nerves.

You screamed for help, you ran for the door and opened it. screaming into the hall for help.

The rest was a blur in your mind. You remembered running down the hall, the walk to the med bay following the troopers carrying her. The doctor explaining to you what had happened, Hux a blubbering mess beside you. Kylo arriving , embracing you. 

You were now back in your room, someone had cleaned the blood from the floor. You could hear kylo in the bathroom , water running. He undressed you.

You woke up the next day 

_A bad nightmare_ you thought

Kylo held you in his arms, nothing bad could happen with him next to you. You held him tighter.

"how are you feeling?" he asked

"Not that bad, I just had a horrible nightmare" you answered

"nightmare?" he asked pushing you from him , looking at you with concern

"yes I had a dream about my friend thats all" his jaw clenched

"it was real" was all he said, bringing you back to reality

you started crying uncontrollably , he held you tightly. 

You cried for days, kylo never left your side. He tried to make you eat, he didnt let anyone in. 

"why?" you asked him your voice dry

"it was a mistake" he said " she wasnt supposed to die"

your mind still numb, he held you in his arms his chin resting at the top of your head

"but she was pregnant" you said " was that why?"

"no" he paused " the box was for you"

thinking of the box on the floor, the droid 

"the chocolates?" you asked 

"yes, someone went trough a lot of trouble to get to you"

"me?"

"I have a lot of enemies"

piecing the puzzle together, it scared you. He couldnt protect you, not always.

"I will take care of it" was all he said.


	13. Water

Months after Tala's death things went back to normal, or as normal as they could. General Hux became a menace to anyone that dared to look at him, you guessed this was the real him and Tala had tamed him. Kylo left you with guards outside of the door when he wasnt there to protect you . The knights of ren sent a chill down your spine when they were nearby.

 **Kylo's POV:** A dark cloud followed him around for days after speaking with Snoke

"weak" he could hear his masters voice inside of him.

_I know what I have to do_

He decided on a plan, he spent days trying to figure out the details.

_I am not weak_

The tightness in his chest suffocating him, unable to sleep .

bringing you closer to him , the only way he was able to sleep now. You were like a drug that he needed

_I can leave her_

**YOU:**

"I have a gift for you" he said his expression blank "Have you ever seen an ocean?"

"no" you exclaimed " But I have read books about them, Tala and I always dreamed of going together" her memory bringing a sadness into your heart.

"we leave tomorrow" was all he said

A smile spread across your face, this was all you needed to know he truly cared.

the next day you woke up and got ready for your big day, you rode alone with him. Your heart pounding with excitement, you couldnt believe that this was your life now being next to the supreme leader. you arrived in a small planet, you looked outside the window, all you could see was blue.

When you walked off the ship the salty breeze welcomed you, bringing a smile to your face. He held out a hand to you , grabbing it you walked together towards the shore. You had never felt such happiness, the setting sun making him glow. He stopped to help you take your shoes off, he did the same. still holding your hand he walked to the edge with you, the water hitting your feet made you giggle. you walked a few more steps. He tossed you over his shoulder and walked in , bringing you down slowly the cold water making you tremble. He held you close to him , one hand on your waist the other bringing your face to his, he kissed you.

You spent what seemed like hours playing in the water. He walked you back to shore, sitting at the edge he wrapped his robes around you trying to control how cold you were. with his arm around you , your head resting on his shoulder you watched the sun set. Not moving he held you so tightly , the tide rising around you. the sky full of stars you turned your face to his 

"I love you" you said, he turned to face you 

you thought he would be mad, but all he did was kiss you on the forehead and held you tighter

he finally released you , holding your chin between his fingers he kissed you.

"look at me" he said , your heart skipping a beat " You will not resist "

"I will not resist"

"this will not hurt" his voice cracked

"it wont hurt" you repeated

he brought his lips to yours slowly bringing you down, your faces now submerged in water. He took the ribbon from your hair, wrapping it around his wrist. he released your lips, you looked at him , the salty water stinging your eyes . he held you down.

_Why does he look sad, were so happy right now_

your last thought was how happy your future with him would be.


End file.
